Bob and I have officially broken up with Paleo.
My name is Karen and Its been 60 days since I last ate Paleo AIP. And I have never been happier in my life.
The last two years, Paleo had started to become such a drag in my life. Every day my facebook newsfeed was full of Paleo twinkies, and Paleo cereal, and Paleo bread, and Paleo people eating white rice and white potatoes.
There were paleo dinners with Macaroni and cheese, and paleo pizza.
And Paleo would not shut up about 80/20 and 21 day sugar detox's, and 30 day Paleo challenges! (what happened to paleo IS the lifestyle ??? not a challenge to try? the hell??) Paleo was becoming so mainstream and popular-Everyone knew his name! He was EVERY WHERE and on EVERYONE'S lips.
In conversations I would say "oh we eat paleo" and 20 other people would say "Oh we do too" as they stood there at a party eating real cake, and mexican food. "We are 80/20. We eat paleo on the weekdays but not the weekend." Or "I've done 2 paleo challenges this year, and even though I have not lost any weight, I still feel like I am making a big difference in the way I eat." as she stands there filling her shopping cart full of non- food, stuff full of crap, and processing, sugars and gluten. I stand there so confused. What do you MEAN? You are not paleo. You are playing Paleo. But you! are! NOT PALEO!
PALEO is no sugar. NO gluten. NO ALL OF THIS junk. Its 100% every day. Its all the time. Its NOT THIS crazy talk you are speaking! Its not pictures of twinkies and paleo pastry books, and Fracking Macaroni and CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!
Paleo was making me fat too. And other posts were mocking me for it too. "7 reasons why paleo isnt helping you lose weight!" ect ect! Paleo was a slick, tricky little devil ... and soon I was sucked in too. Its so hard to resist you know, when everyone in your once private, personal little world, is doing it. A little rice here, a little white potato there..... I started eating that carbolicious rice, that gateway drug, and pretty soon you know what happened! Two pounds here.... a little ounce there. And then that adorable little carb led to "Occasional" white potatoes. I noticed no side effects.... so where was the harm, right? But the harm was happening every day.......... as the pounds continued to go on, and the hidden inflammation grew and grew, right along with my body.
And then sugar started making its way back in to the diet too. Butter Coffee with maple Syrup! oh YES PLEASE!
Paleo Brownies and chocolate chip cookies- all refined sugar free, for events! Then Once a week for a Treat day and then they came to live in the fridge during the week ............ a quick grab before going to crossfit in the morning. BECAUSE HEALTHY COOKIES! YES!
NO! I knew NO. I have already been down this road. I've been lured by sugar ALL of my damn life, and that sweet little opiate was seducing me AGAIN thanks to Paleo! GAH! I hate YOU PALEO!
I started crossfit. It took me a lot of work to get to Crossfit. I had to get rid of all the pain of my previous post first. Since walking to the bathroom was debilitating, crossfit seemed like traveling to the MOON! I buckled down and did the AIP and I won!
I put endometrosis in remission! I tamed my arthritis and my ass WENT TO CROSSFIT! Goal met! TAKE THAT FAT! But that's where I'd be wrong. In the first year of crossfit- despite getting my sugar tooth under control again with a Paleo Challenge (I cringe. Really I do- I EAT paleo already why did I need a fracking "challenge" to stop eating the crap?) I gained 10 pounds. By the end of Year two (this very march) I was 20 pounds heavier SINCE joining Crossfit. A beastly love of a workout............... and I am fatter for it.
Where did I go WRONG? Why was Paleo treating me so bad!? Moreover, what COULD I do about this? After my third failed attempt at a "Challenge" that left me BINGING on maple syrup and eating sugar from a bowl straight up.................... I decided to start thinking hard of something else to do and then I remembered the ONE and only time I really lost any weight in my life was when I did the Atkins diet in 2004. I got down to #125 pounds at the time, and was actually PISSED when after 6 months I could not go any lower. I really wanted to be #100 pounds like I was in High school upon graduation. Was this realistic? I dont know. I knew quite a few women at the time who were this weight, so it seemed realistic. But in any case... it stopped working. And Then................ we got "The food Network" and I started loving the food, the wine, and the cookies, and my life changed forever.
(meeting Ree- the pioneer woman. Hello How Frickin fat am I? geeze!)
I would gain weight over the next several years, topping out at #172.
I discovered that I LOVED cooking, and cooking shows, and recipes and BAKING ALL THE THINGS! Blogs full of baking, and cooking, and cake balls started popping up all over, and inhaled them all- especially the carbs coming from them!
Getting that shit to disappear would take allllllllllllllllll the way up to 2011 (January), when I found the paleo diet. Yes I tried walking, and aerobics and eating right blah blah (ya'll know the story, some of you are living it) but NOTHING Was working until I discovered the Paleo diet. Within four months I would be #133 and it stayed that way for nearly 18 months.
Flash forward to early April 2015, when an article came across a Paleo newsfeed about this Family of four who are THRIVING on eating Just meat. Just meat and water. The paleo blogger was livid. The commentary of her article was entirely negative, but I was rivited when I read the Article about the Family. The father was saying all these amazing things about how healthy his wife is, how she put her Lyme disease in remission, how she GREW TWO AMAZING HEALTHY SONS all while eating ONLY Meat and drinking ONLY water. I got absorbed into the site that posted the blog, (their story has since been removed at their request, due to actual THREATS against this sweet little family from really horrible people who need to learn to mind their own business for the love of all things &*^%$#@!!!!) and I spent two days reading, reading, reading EVERYTHING.
Here are some things that eating ZERO CARB help with:
ending muscle cramps
.....................to name a few. Of course, a few things jumped out at me as having been problems I have already been trying to address the last 4 fracking years. And you're telling me all I have to do is eat a flippin' Ribeye for supper every day and I can address ........ EVEN SOLVE these issues? Oh. My. God.
Where do I sign up? I decided right then and there on Day two that I was going to start the VERY NEXT DAY. I mean, what the hell did I have to lose? I already knew that Atkins helped me lose weight before.......... this could only do AT LEAST that! But maybe... just maybe EVEN MORE! I was jittery with excitement.
I had already been 30 days into YET ANOTHER run at the Auto immune diet.... and had actually, well......... with the help of my mom dying (I cant even!) lost 5 pounds the week of her funeral. So I had a head start. It could only get better, in my mind, so I was ready to start the next day.
Then there was the Bob. I had to tell him what I was doing since it would be kind of abrupt if I stopped eating any vegetables. And making any treats. OR buying any chocolate bars. So I mention it a little, and then rushed in with all these details and when I stopped for a breath he goes "HELL YEAH! that sounds awesome lets start today!"
So on April 7, 2015 We broke up with Paleo and started our MEAT FEST. And today is our #60th day ZC. (zero carb).
Firstly, To date I have lost 13 pounds. thirteen. I know that does not sound like much at all. The scale is a devil. Its mean. Its mocking me. But...........
I am wearing pants three sizes smaller RIGHT THIS SECOND!
My belt has gone in 5 holes!
My weightlifting belt, I discovered yesterday CANNOT Squeeze me tight enough anymore and I am going to need to buy a SMALL. Just saying the word Small scares the hell out of me. What am I thinking? A small. I am not small. But.
I have carried with me a Box in my closet known as "The Dream pants box". Yes I wrote that on the box. It held inside ALL of my favorite pants from the #125 days. And on top of those, the #133 pound days. And when my belt loop went in to the 5th hole on my pants, and the ass started sagging on my favorite pair of jeans, I decided to dare myself to OPEN THE BOX!
I waited until Bob was out of town. The last thing someone wants to do is try on TINY Pants in front of their husband (least he walk in on me! the horror!) and then I got the Box out and sat it on the bed, and then ripped it open.
(mister kat was very interested in the dream pants box too!)
Minutes later clothes were flying and I was dying! I FIT IN A BUNCH OF THEM! Excited is putting it mildly. And then when the flurry of flying fabric was over I was left with four piles of pants.
These Fit Perfectly Right Now.
These Are snug, but do-able
(those two went in my closet and the fat ones went to the donation bin! holla!)
These are CLOSE But no cigar!
And finally the #125 pants ... all sizes 4 and 2 omfreakinggawd
THE COVETED DREAM PANTS.
(here they are in all their glory! the last stack!)
On thursday of last week I am happy to report that I have moved ALL BUT ONE of the stacks to my closet. Yes. Even the Close but No cigar ones!
All I have left are the COVETED DREAM FRICKIN PANTS! OMG!
Thats my favorite part.
Second............ we are not losing our minds over cravings. At all. We PLAN our "cheats" if you can call it that. For instance, Sean and Joanna got married on April 18. There was to be NO cake.... nothing was gluten free there, we already knew, so I brought Bob and I our new favorite chocolate bar I had just discovered before going ZC. We brought our short rib meat and ate til we are full (the rule at ZC- eat til you are thanksgiving full - how can that even suck at all ?LOL) and then we opened up our little chocolate bars and made ourselves sick on it! haha!
It was not all that bad. Just we knew the next day that was our penance for that little transgression. Next day, back on the plan, and we didn't deviate! the next occasion was Mothers day.
We went to Sean's for dinner and we had steak. No sides, and we bought some ice cream (yes clean- grass fed you know how I am. lol) and I made a pan of our favorite paleo brownies! we were set! Except? it tasted really meh. Like yuck. The ice cream was a real let down. And while there was no bad feeling the next day, my weight did stall for 4 days. And those of you that are scale watchers like me KNOW this is like DYING INSIDE EVERY MINUTE.
But the best part...............there is no drag for sugar the next day. We just go right back to eating and all is right with the world.
I am having ZERO Flares of arthritis in my fingers, and hip, which occurred any time I deviated off AIP. (Nuts, dairy, ect). SO THAT Is a huge plus. PLUS I get to eat Eggs. And there were no eggs allowed on AIP and that made me cry. So NO Pain AND I get eggs! Indeed!
I was particularly intrigued with the mention of many "Vets" (people who have been zero carb for many, many years that manage our facebook pages) that they experienced relief and cessation all of their muscle cramping. I have been searching for years for a solution to the problem. I have toes that cramp apart during the day while walking, driving, shooting, ect! My calves or any muscle that I fatigue at crossfit will lock up solid for upwards of a half hour depending on how hard I was going when it happened effectively stopping my workout dead, and leaving me with pain in my muscles as if someone hit it with a bat for DAYS! I have been to one conventional doctor (you have to stretch before getting out of bed? the hell dude.. I have been up 8 hours already why is it cramping while I am driving down the road!?) he had ZERO advice. THREE holistic/paleo/chiropractic type of doctors who suggested things from apple cider vinegar, to vitamins- all to no avail. I finally started ON MY OWN taking magnesium, after reading a post on a crunchy site, and FINALLY got the cramping under control for the most part. But NOT AT CROSSFIT. Its daily.
So this was something I was really counting on working.
To date, I have managed to jump rope with NO cramping, and today I ran three separate 200m runs with no cramping, however after the third, (and I was finished with the wod) I was laid out on the floor with a calf cramp for 10 minutes! *SIGH* so as of this point #60daysZC ... this has not been solved yet. But I remain hopeful!
For both of us, our moods are very energetic! I've reorganized so many things, and Bobs "honey do" list is growing longer by the minute! We are well rested every morning, and ravenous for our food! We do not eat in between meals simply because we are NOT hungry at ALL.
Skinny hubby Bob has also reported that he has GAINED two pounds. Which is totally awesome. I will be happy to share the remaining 14 of mine with him if he wants! haha!
So.......Im sure by now, you want to know what we eat? We eat meat. All kinds of meat. We eat eggs. Some people eat dairy, or cheese, we rarely if ever do, except for butter. We eat a lot of butter. No vegetables at all. No plant material AT ALL- yes that means NO Fruits at all.
For us its basically Steak, Eggs, and Hamburger. We are adjusting to this woe (way of eating) right now so have been experiencing aversions to certain foods during the adjustment. So at the start of it, I could NOT even look at, touch or cook our usual roast chickens. I gagged even thinking about it, and could not eat a bite. However last week on wed I think it was, I made and ate almost an entire chicken all by myself! (with some broth and butter Hells yeah!) So that issues solved itself. Hamburgers are another issue for me (Not Bob - but he is with me on the chicken - he still doesn't want it though). I discovered yesterday that I need a super thin burger... I like the grilled edges. The middle.. I cannot choke down at all. haha. So next time I am doing them thin! I like making ground beef or bison and adding in pre cooked bacon bits too, with a pat of butter. YUM!
We eat: usually 3 eggs each for breakfast- him some meat from fridge, me cut up ham from fridge OR we have bacon. Bacon is always in the fridge cooked up and ready for snacking on. We eat LOTS of thick fatty bacon every single day. Our favorite meat right now is Ribeye. we grill it in bacon grease, add some butter to finish at end and then eat the hell out of it. We also eat beef short ribs cooked in the pressure cooker, some pork now and then, and the dreaded chickens. (of which I have 4 more of them in the freezer that we have to muscle through.haha). We tried salmon but I could not deal with it at the moment.... Bob was too hungry after, so it was not satisfying, even though we did surf and turf with some steak!
Pork and chicken leave us hungry within an hour. Working out at crossfit makes us ravenous the entire day. The other day we ate all our breakfast and then are in the fridge for more meat within two hours. lol Steak leaves us the most satisfied, and full.
We drink water and hot teas. And that is ALL!
So.... I bet you have LOTS of questions! And I'd be happy to answer them. And feel free to click on a link to the sites to check it out for yourself if you like. But we are not open to arguments. No I don't have blood work to prove I am not going to die of a heart attack from all the fat. Studies are limited if any at all on this woe. Nobody has taken the time to study it really, even though it goes back for years. This website has links to other folks stories and the zc pages on fb (zeroing in on health and Zero carbs-the easy way) have lots of files of information. For us...............the results we are experiencing are enough.
We love the simplicity of our meals. We love not having the urge to consume fake foods and sugars. We love not having the gas and belly pain from vegetables that are supposed to be healthiful but cause us pain! We love our energy, and my weight loss! And are comforted by the vets stories of years of going before us with nothing but happy reports. For us............. this works.
So, its ADIOS Paleo. It was lovely to meet you. You were wonderful at the start, but now here in the middle of the twinkies, donuts, and plates full of white rice it is where we must part ways. We wish you much luck... it looks like things are going really well for you!
Bob and Karen